USA has a Birthmothers day? As an adoptee I’m not convinced


I came across this article & was very surprised to learn of birthmothers day in the USA, being the day before mothers day.

I was adopted. It was arranged before my birth. In fact the woman who gave me up for adoption gave up two other children before me, too. We all have the same biological father but they had an on-off relationship. I believe he didn’t even know I existed until a while after I was born.

What she did is courageous, and I will forever be in her debt; it can’t have been easy and I know her family were not supportive. I think in middle age she’s only recently been coming to terms with what happened now, especially as she did not go on to have any children of her own.

I’ve only met her once, so I cannot claim to know her, but she seems a lovely, intelligent, sensitive & thoughtful woman whose life can’t have been how she planned it.

She’s sent myself & my baby presents & they’ve all been perfect: the first thing she ever sent me was an Imelda May album & a knitted rose broach; how someone who’d never met me could chose 2 presents so perfect is testament to her thoughtfulness and I guess how similar I must be to her.

I find the idea of a Birthmothers day patronising. I think if I were in that situation I would not see it as a thing to be celebrated – I seriously doubt giving up a child gives anyone any joy. I understand that the point is to vindicate birthmothers in a way similar to how standard mothers are, but they’re not the same. It’s something to deal with, and move on, and hopefully have a relationship with your adopted child in its own right. Not as a mother, but as something else, it’s difficult to verbalise.
I don’t know what my biological mother would think of this, if she knows about it. And I’m not going to ask. However the article did make me think of her, and send her an email with photos of baby so I guess something good came out of it.


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